He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
