remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize