I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
