Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i believe in u and ur pee
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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