just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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