I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
