that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
