I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If I die, sorry about rent.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
