Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
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He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
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Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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