a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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