Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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