He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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