Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
