I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
