she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.