Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.