went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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