Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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