But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
