So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
