it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
