So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
