why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
