She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
it was like eating out sand paper
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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