hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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