sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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