my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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