remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
