She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
