Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
