First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
