There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
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You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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