Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize