Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
