You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
