I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you didnt know i had herpes?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
