I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
