I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
