I just made out with a guy for $7.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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