You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
