i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
