Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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