I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
