I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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