kristin has been a bad kristin
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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