Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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