You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
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until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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