yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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