I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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