You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
