I can text with my tongue
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
