Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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