I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
