Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
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she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
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Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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