i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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