she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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