I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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