Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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