dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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