My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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