I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I supernannyed him into submission
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
