Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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