And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
