Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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