I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
