can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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