A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
